Do you feel alone or lonely? Often we use these words interchangeably yet each has a quite a different meaning. Lonely is when you have a partner, friends, a job you like and a connection to yourself but you feel sad when others aren’t around. Alone, on the other hand, is a feeling of being out of sorts, depressed, anxious, empty, detached and disconnected from the universe. If you had a childhood where you didn’t feel connected to, safe, supported, cherished, uplifted, admired, accepted and validated, you might feel very alone or depressed as an adult. You probably had to shut down a lot of your feelings to survive the isolation because feeling such strong feelings so young would have been overwhelming. And, when you shut down the painful feelings, you also shut out the good ones like happiness and joy. So if you grew up without these essentials you more than likely feel disconnected and empty within your personal relationships, relationships at work and even with the families you’ve created. But you are not crazy or weird. Feeling alone is a NATURAL outgrowth of not feeling emotionally attuned to in childhood and is a problem that can be worked on with much resolution with the right therapist. Life is difficult sometimes but when you feel grounded and connected to your community, partner, family or friends, it is much easier to cope. And, when you feel cut off, abandoned and alone, life challenges often appear insurmountable. So find a therapist to help you out of your detachment and into feeling and connecting–perhaps for the very first time. It’s worth the time, energy and expense. Come and get your life back. And, remember… You are NOT alone. You just feel that way. If you found this helpful, please e.mail me at: nanlcsw@gmail.com or call me to set up an appointment at: 847.491.1111. Feel free to offer my article to others. I do this as a free service to promote relational healing.

Many people have no idea why group therapy might be a viable option for them. And, after viewing all sorts of reality television shows, you might get the wrong idea of what actually occurs. So, what is the benefit of Group Therapy over Individual Therapy? Or why not Both? Actually, there are numerous benefits to each and together individual and group therapy have a synergistic effect that beats either one by itself. Group Therapy offers its members the opportunity to share their stories in a small (usually 4-8 people) group without criticism or shame. Members can speak freely about feeling isolated. When they see others nodding their heads in agreement, suddenly they are no longer alone. When they hear others going through something they are struggling with and arriving at a different solution, they gain perspective. When they give someone support and are thanked, they feel connected. And when they laugh and cry with each other, week after week, suddenly, they have community. Every person who joins a group brings their own family dynamics with them. So, the group leader as well as members of the group might remind you of your parents, siblings or friends. So group offers you the opportunity to speak up, get angry or express your hurt in a very safe place. You also have a leader that has your back. Individual therapy is amazingly powerful but there is no one but the therapist to offer feedback. In group therapy you can get feedback from many people and often this can feel like more legitimate feedback since the group members are not getting paid. Group therapy is a terrific adjunct to individual therapy especially when you’ve reached an impasse or a stuck point and can’t seem to break through. If you found this helpful, please feel free to e.mail me with questions or call me at: 847.491.1111 to schedule an appointment to discuss your options. Feel free to offer my article to others. I do this as a free service to promote relational healing.

Do you have difficulty saying “No?” Do you feel guilty and bad about yourself when you do? Saying “No” is important. How often are you afraid to say “No” to your spouse, child, teenager, boss, neighbor or friend and later feel angry that you didn’t? If you grew up in a family where “No” was not allowed, shamed or supported, you probably have difficulty saying “No” and have to resort to indirect communication like not returning phone calls, rolling your eyes, isolation or withdrawal. Saying “No” is a form of setting healthy boundaries and is similar to holding an invisible shield. This shield protects you and tells others how close or distant they can stand near you, what behaviors of theirs you will tolerate and how much energy you are willing to give them. Do you allow yourself to disagree with another’s restaurant choices or political views? Can you say “No” to solicitations for help, requests for money, demands for attention or sexual advances? When you say “No” you are defining who you are and teaching others how to treat you. If someone is asking personal questions that you don’t want to answer, tell them you’d rather not talk about that. The amount you tell others about yourself is the amount you let them in so decide how personally and at what pace you will let them get to know you. YOU don’t ever owe anyone anything. Saying “No” is not mean or rejecting, it is merely a way of making your needs and wants visible to others. So next time, say “Yes” to saying “No” and see how much more empowered you feel. If you found this helpful, feel free to comment on it, email me at: nanlcsw@gmail.com or call me to schedule an appointment so that you can start setting better boundaries for yourself. Feel free to offer my article to others. I do this as a free service to promote relationship healing.

Do you get anxious or depressed when you are not with your loved one? Do you think about your partner incessantly when you are away from them or fantasize about reconnecting with them as soon as you leave? Do you feel high when you’re with them? These are all signs that you have a love addiction. Oddly enough, love usually has nothing to do with these relationships but because partners feel desperate without each other, they assume that this means they are in love. Far from it. In a healthy love relationship, you enjoy each other but also have other relationships — with yourself, your work friends, your hobbies and your friends. You may love being with your partner but it does not give you a buzz when you see them nor do you feel desperate without them. If you have a love addiction, you will have to go through a withdrawal period from this person, if you wish to feel better. This is best done with a therapist who specializes in relationships. And you will need a support system of friends, family or maybe even a support group. You will have withdrawal symptoms like sadness, anger, anxiety and depression, After all, this person was distracting you from feeling your feelings. But don’t be discouraged. You CAN decide to quit being in pain. Just remember, you are not alone even though you might feel terribly lonely without your partner. Please reach out to someone who can guide you through your break up. You really can’t do this by yourself. And remember, a healthy relationship lifts you and an addictive relationship makes you sad, lonely and angry. If you found this helpful, please e.mail me at: nanlcsw@gmail.com to set up an appointment or to ask a question. I am happy to help you through. Feel free to offer my article to others. I do this as a free service to promote relational healing.