Happiness is a learned skill. It isn’t easy and there is no crash course. And, yet, I meet people all the time–family, friends and neighbors who believe that if they are thinner, smarter, better looking, wealthier, married, divorced, more approved of, less approved of, they will be happy. The problem with this thinking is that you assume you are powerless and those around you have the power to make you happy. In short, you are allowing others to determine whether or not you are happy. If you want to learn to be happy you must realize that it is ONLY YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF YOURSELF that can create your happiness, make you feel uplifted, empowered, fed, fueled, loved and wanted and THAT is an inside job. The stuff that comes from the outside is TEMPORARILY making you happy at best. Just think of the last concert you enjoyed, book you read, play you saw, friend you visited. Recall how happy you were at the time and then how quickly that feeling faded. What we bring into us is short-lived but what is inside can expand and breathe life into us all of the time. TRY THIS. Think of a wonderful memory. Visualize it and breathe as you see it. Keep breathing naturally and slowly and go even deeper into the image. Let the image expand inside of you and fill you up. Keep doing this on and off throughout your day as you feel stressed or down. Learn to go INSIDE YOURSELF for relief, love, peace and calm. IF there is nothing there, learn how to befriend yourself and happiness is all yours.

If you found this helpful and would like to learn how to do this, please don’t hesitate to e.mail me at nanlcsw@gmail.com or call me at 847.491.1111. Feel free to offer my article to others. I do this as a free service to promote relational healing.

The word “depression” is highly overused in our culture. When we try to understand depression, we may think, “sad, lonely, lazy, despairing, helpless and even suicidal.” But if we shift out of that paradigm and think of the literal meaning of this word, depression is a “pushing down.” Rather than thinking of yourself as depressed which is somewhat pejorative, try to understand yourself as holding your feelings down, numbing out and disconnecting as a way to protect your core self. Generally, unless someone has a biological or genetic depression, those who are depressed often come from environments that have not made it safe for them to express their feelings. So, when you learn to shut your feelings down, you become emotionally paralyzed, stuck, dis-empowered or depressed. Thinking of depression as a problem of dis-empowerment is actually very hopeful. Why? Because most anyone can learn to become empowered with patience and a good teacher or therapist. Yes, it is difficult to cope with depression but when you learn that expressing your self is safe and begin speaking up for yourself, your depression usually lifts. This is not for the faint of heart, though. But, if you allow yourself to be with your dark thoughts and feelings, you will be amazed at how your load lightens. Depression can be a huge gift to your life if you are open to having a relationship with it. Part of that process is inviting your depression to speak to you and let you know all that it has been through. Again this takes time but once the floodgates open, this is the beginning of understanding and healing your depression.
If you found this helpful, please don’t hesitate to e.mail me at: nanlcsw@gmail.com or call me at 847.491.1111. I have helped many, many clients move out of their depression and into a more gratifying life. Feel free to offer this article to others. I do this as a free service to promote relational healing.

Finding the right therapist is often as daunting a task as looking for a suitable mate. After all, your therapist should be someone to whom you make an emotional and financial commitment and whom you might see once a week for a few months to many years. When you are looking for the right therapist, you may feel vulnerable, disempowered, depressed and confused and want to jump at the first therapist who seems kind. DONT! ! Take the time to find a good match.

When looking for he right therapist, listen to your gut as you ask yourself these questions: How long has this person been practicing and do they specialize in my problem area (e.g grief, depression, anger management?) Do they have integrity and dress professionally, appear trustworthy, accepting and caring? Do you feel safe in their presence and comfortable sharing intimate details that perhaps you’ve never shared before? Is this person reliable? Do they return calls or e.mails within a reasonable time frame and begin and end sessions on time? Can you afford their services with your present income? If not, perhaps you have insurance that might cover counseling. Or, you can find a social service agency where they offer lower fees based on income.

What’s more, if this person was referred to you by a friend or relative who already sees this therapist, how will you feel going to the same therapist or possibly running into this person one week?

These are important questions to ask yourself during your search. If you’re lucky or intuitive, you might have a great gut feeling about someone and then it’s a no-brainer. But, otherwise, let these questions guide you.

If you found this blog helpful, please don’t hesitate to e.mail me at nanlcsw@gmail.com or call me at 847.491.1111 to set up an appointment or ask a question. Feel free to pass this on to others. I do this as a free service to promote relationship healing.

Like it or not, when you’re moving on from divorce or separation, it’s often difficult to get your ex out of your mind.

It is part of the grieving process. But, if those thoughts are particularly fond, you might be using those thoughts as a way to stay connected. Just as people often glorify the dead, you too might be recalling the good stuff as a way to avoid moving forward.

Moving on from a divorce or separation is easier if you recall some of the negative qualities of your ex.–the characteristics that drove you crazy or seemed impenetrable. If that doesn’t work, remember the feelings and thoughts you had just before the relationship ended.

If, on the other hand, someone broke up with you and you don’t have a lot of bad memories, you might ask yourself whether you were really present in the relationship. If the ending was a complete surprise, you might explore why you didn’t even know there was a problem.

Whether you’ve been with someone a few months or many years, it can be scary to move on from a divorce or separation. It takes time to get back on the horse. But, if it is taking too much time (whatever that means to you,) you might contact a therapist to help you navigate your new life. If you don’t figure out what went wrong in previous relationships, you may repeat the same mistakes again and again. Now is a good time to figure out what a good partner looks like. Feel free to read my article at the top of my home page entitled, “How Not To Date.”

If you found this helpful, please call or text me at 847.491.1111 or e.mail me at: nanlcsw@gmail.com to ask a question or set up an appointment. I’m happy to help you. Feel free to offer my article to others. I do this as a free service to promote relationship healing.