If your spouse has had a marital affair, there may be hope for repair. It is not a quick fix but if you both are willing to do the hard work of marital therapy, many couples can stay together. When your spouse has strayed, you may find yourself feeling everything from rage and embarrassment to intense hurt, abandonment and sadness. It is like someone has died. The grief may move you into denial, anger or depression and you might start to question all the truths that you held dear for years about your spouse and your marriage. It may take you months or even years to fully digest the affair and you might need to live separately for a while. Often the trigger to an affair is undisclosed marital dissatisfaction. The offending spouse, rather than going to couples counseling, tries to fix the marriage by having a relationship that makes up for what is missing in the marriage. This strategy only complicates the problem. What’s needed for repair is honestly, patience, compassion and, most of all, couples counseling. The only way a marriage can move into health is if the affair is terminated. If your spouse insists on continuing it , the message to you is that the affair comes first. If your spouse IS ready to give up the affair, it will take you time to lower your walls as your trust has been crushed. Have compassion for yourself and the hurt you feel. Your spouse many not understand the pain he or she has caused you and that can be addressed in therapy. if you are both committed to saving your connection, you might find yourself in a much healthier, authentic and more gratifying relationship. If you found this helpful, please e.mail me at: nanlcsw@gmail.com or call me at 847.491.1111 to set up a marital session today. Feel free to offer my article to others. I do this as a free service to promote relational healing.