If you are the partner or spouse of someone who has been unfaithful, you probably feel shocked, enraged, betrayed, ashamed and grief-stricken. And, you may feel confused and hopeless about the future of your relationship. Well, before you contemplate ending your relationship I have some hopeful statistics to share.
When partners cheat, most marriages or unions don’t end in divorce. Yes, it takes a lot of hard work and patience but often, the new marriage between old partners is more open, gratifying, authentic and connected. But, first, the offended partner must work through his/her feelings of being betrayed which can take many years.
When partners cheat, if the betraying partners marry each other, their relationship usually does end in divorce. Affairs are fantasies and while they lack the stressors inherent in any marriage, they also lack the safety, history and attachment of the primary marital relationship.
When partners cheat, 50% of the male offenders and over 33% of women report that they were happily married before they strayed. The reasons they pursue an extra-marital affair are more complex and varied. For example, just like people who struggle with addictions, many partners cheat because they are trying to fill a hole in themselves from the outside. Perhaps they’ve had significant trauma and are even confused by their own behavior. Others choose an affair because their current relationship falls short of their image of an ideal relationship. Others flea when illness, financial troubles, birth of a child, adoption or other transitions occur as they cannot cope.
Many times, when people have a partner who has cheated, they feel isolated and uncomfortable telling others. I can help. I will sit with you as you tell the story of what happened to you. Please feel free to e.mail me at: nanlcsw@gmail.com or call me at: 847.491.1111 to schedule an appointment.
Please feel free to pass this article on to others who are struggling with this issue.